


Loneliness Doesn't Last Forever

by Artisticdreamer



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: I Don't Even Know, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, long ass fucking story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 17:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11040864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artisticdreamer/pseuds/Artisticdreamer
Summary: Lovino Vargas just wants his problems to go away. Sadly that cannot happen unless he dies. Having mental diseases fucking sucks. But he deals with it. He goes to his appointments, talks to people, and just lives the best he can.





	Loneliness Doesn't Last Forever

**Author's Note:**

> So right now this is just a preview of the entire piece. i just want to know what people think before i continue this.

                He feels so alone. His father tried to kill him at an early age. His mother, an angel in a human body, attempted to save him resulting in her death. His brother, too young to remember, the horrific event, and himself were sent to live with their grandfather who gave them a never-ending amount of love. His little brother is sweet and kind, and always knows when he is upset. His grandfather is extremely wealthy so he is pretty much spoiled. He doesn’t let that get to him, same goes for his brother. They don’t abuse their ability to get anything they wanted. They ask for what they need. When he asked for a car, he got a [Maserati](http://momentcar.com/images/maserati-sebring-1965-5.jpg). Granted it is an amazing vehicle, he would’ve been content with a simple Dodge. When both he and his brother were being bullied, their grandfather started to home school them. Grandpa was a retired history professor after all. He had all sorts of books on history in his office, the brothers called it the library. Over the years, he had read almost every book in the library. He has about one shelf left.

            As to why Lovino Vargas feels alone, not even he knows. He feels empty. Not to mention he has panic attacks. They gradually happened more and more until he can barely go a day without having one. Medication doesn’t work so he suffers with the fear of having a really bad one while out and about. And of course, this leads to him having a mild attack. Having these attacks also sucks because only two people, his brother and grandfather, that he knows can calm him down. As much as he hates these attacks, he’s glad he is the one to have them versus his brother. His sociable little brother doesn’t have to deal with these, so that makes him happy. It’s a hallow happiness. He can feel happy for others, but not for himself. He doesn’t like that. His family doesn’t push him to be happy, they just do things to try and make him happy. The happiness last for a bit, then fades away. Doctors want him to be on antidepressants, but he isn’t depressed. Three different psychologists even said so. A fourth psychologist tried to get him sent to an institution. That didn’t go over well with his grandfather. He all but sued the woman. His brother was terrified he might actually be sent away and never left his side for almost a week. He was seventeen then. He is now nineteen and considering the unthinkable.

 

~*~*~*~

 

            At nineteen most people are starting or finishing their first year at college. This isn’t the case for Lovino Vargas. At nineteen he is working full time at his grandfather’s restaurant. He was free to leave anytime he felt a panic attack coming. He went back and forth between chef and waiter. For some reason, every time he was on wait shift, a large number of young women and teens come in. Lots of giggles erupt when he emerges from the back. When he would ask his brother, Feliciano or Feli for short, he would say, “Big brother is attractive, that’s why!” Then he’d giggle himself and walk away. Lovino never thought of himself as attractive, personality or physicality wise, he didn’t think he was. Then again, he never thought highly of himself, always thought of Feli as the better brother, in all traits.  His brother is only sixteen and extremely popular among the town. He is even close to getting himself a boyfriend, Lovino doesn’t like the guy. Granted, he doesn’t like many people. The Italian only has one person he calls a friend. Some would say he lives a sad life with only one friend. He doesn’t give a shit, it’s his life he can live it how he pleases. And in his opinion he is living a good life – aside from the panic attacks of course.

            His life is simple: wake up, get ready, go to work, go home, relax, and then sleep. There are a few other things that happen during the day, these are just the basics. Some days he has doctor’s appointments to check his psyche. There was only one time it was below average. He doesn’t entirely see the point of it, but whatever, gives him something else to do.

            Today happens to be a day where he needs to get a psych evaluation. Walking into the hospital, a _Mental_ hospital, he heads over to the elevator and presses the third floor. An elevator music version of Taylor Swift’s _Wildest Dreams_ plays and Lovino finds it horrible. There’s a ding as the doors open on the right floor. He walks up to the reception desk to say hello to Mary, but Mary isn’t there. Instead there is a man, maybe a few years older than Lovino, he’s not entirely sure. The guy is tan, a nice tan that preppy girls in movies hope for, but never get. His hair is a curly chocolate brown, not too long, not too short. Curly hadn’t looked up yet, so his eyes remain a mystery, for now. A strong jaw line could be seen, as well as rippling, lean muscles under his shirt. His shirt is red and looks amazing on him. He’s typing at a computer with determination. Lovino cleared his throat and Curly’s (that’s his name for now) head snapped up. Emerald green eyes looked at him with surprise, after a second he relaxed. “Haha, you startled me!” And then he smiled a bright smile. This man is Attractive, capital ‘a’.

            “Where’s Mary?” The question slipped out, thankfully before something embarrassing.

            Curly hummed, “She retired a couple of weeks ago. I’m her replacement, Antonio!” Antonio was his name, so he is Hispanic. That explains the complexion. “So! What can I help you with, Sir?”

            I have an appointment. I’m Lovino, Lovino Vargas.” He spoke smoothly even though he was nervous. Antonio smiled and went and typed somethings into the computer.

            “Yup, two o’clock for a psych eval. To be honest, I hate those. Have to get them every other week in order to stay in America.” What? What does that mean? Stay in America? So many questions flooded Lovino’s head and Antonio noticed. “Ah, sorry. Back in Spain I had a ‘psychotic break’,” he made air quotes, “and deemed me dangerous, kicked me out so now I’m here with rules to follow.”

            Wow. That was – wow. He had no words, but as soon as he found something to say, the nurse he usually gets, Jeff, called him back. So, he left without another word.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading so yeah. if you want more comment or just leave a kudos. im really insecure about my work so i tend to seek out some kind of acceptance.


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